May 9, 2014
-
Mother
What do you do when your mom turns into a miserable person? Is there anything you can do?
My mom has reached a point in her life where nothing seems to make her happy. She travels from job to job and is always seeking something that will make her happy, and the truth is that nothing does. I know that she has wanted to change careers or fields for a long time, and yet she seems to be stuck. She isn’t at an age where it is easy to break into a new career. She has been in the auto industry for her entire adult life, and it seems that she has no joy in her job at all anymore. She has had 4 different jobs in the last 4 years…the most recent only last 6 months. Then she moved again. At each job she finds fault with the management, or the processes, or something.
She started her new(est) job 2 weeks ago, and already seems very depressed and not excited about it. When questioned, my sister and I get “it’s ok so far”, in a really dull, underinflated sort of tone. She sounds like she hates it, but doesn’t want to admit it.
She and my dad move from house to house constantly, and both seem constantly unhappy and upset. ‘They have gotten to the point where they literally have no friends, because they have moved so many times and lost touch with any new acquaintances that might become friends, and their old friends from younger days have just faded away. The two couples they were closest with…one died so the wife moved back to Missouri, and the other split up with his longtime girlfriend and so she is in Mexico and he is still around, but hard to round up, and regardless, lives many hours away from where they are now. My mom never seems to make any friends at all, and so they only have friends that are ok with my dad….but he has lost his two close friends and never leaves the house to meet new people.
They don’t attend a church of any kind, and are very much isolated. They seem to have no faith in God at all, and I don’t even think my dad believes in God.
I don’t know how to help. Phonecalls are so difficult because all they ever do is complain. They move from one topic to the next, and from one complaint to the next. My dad drinks sometimes and that is even more difficult because he just becomes more obnoxious. My mom is currently living in a camper trailer during the week because they haven’t fully relocated to their newest town yet….so my sister and I don’t know where or what she is spending her time doing…we are afraid of what is happening in their lives, and they won’t make any kind of change to better themselves or their circumstance. They seem to be chasing around in circles and never looking for a real way out. I don’t understand and honestly, they have tired me out. I don’t know what to say…positive phonecalls always go down the drain until I finally hang up, feeling empty and exhausted. They have a way of just making you feel guilty for enjoying any part of life, and unless you are miserable alongside them, they don’t have much to say. They don’t call me at all….I’ve called them regularly but they haven’t called my number in over a month. It hurts my feelings, and I worry and pray for them, but really…what can I do? She was on my mind more today, probably because Mother’s Day is coming up.
It’s sad.
Comments (5)
Glad to see you back on Xanga!! No many have stayed. I intend to stay but I really wish more people will come back.
Check out my Xanga site.
Sorry to hear about your parents. Does she work for a car dealer or work in a car factory?All you can do is pray, keep in touch with her and try to be happy and glad each time you do talk to her or your dad.
Sorry they are not going to a church. Some people just get a little lost when they put everything they are in life into their work, spouse or even themselves, and then when it goes wrong, they have nothing to support them through it.
Don’t feel guilty about making the most of your life. You have to do what is right for you and your new family now.
They are adults and unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change their thinking or actions.
Just remember the good things she was as a mother and try to be the best mother your boys has so he will have lots of good memories to treasure and a Christian inheritance from you.
Your amiga,
Martina Rose McKever
I’m sorry about your parents attitudes too. It’s very hard when someone in your life is no negative. It sucks all the joy out of everything. But, as you know, you can’t fix it. They have to find something that will bring them joy again whether they are together or not.
Thanks for your comment on my blog. My success with posting photos etc is because I post on another blogsite first and then copy and paste over to Xanga. I have the same blog on WordPress and on LiveJournal…maybe you should try them out and keep Xanga as a secondary blog site as I do.
Yeah, hmmm. I guess pray, “be there” for them, keep your own self and faith strong so you have something to give if it is ever asked for, and leave it in the Lord’s hands… in the end (and in between) each of us are kind of us-and-him, and other people, even loved ones, are to some extent peripheral to that central relationship.
(also glad to see you’re still here, sorry I’ve been missing in action.)
(I’m having trouble finding and getting back to my OWN page! At least I can read others, so far…)
Wow, I was able to log in again as MAoMW — I’ve had some problems with it! I see I already answered. But, “fresh,” probably the same thing I said before, ultimately it’s in God’s hands. Pray. “Be there” for her/them when and if they are ever open to it. Make the appropriate suggestions when they may be receptive, such as “God” as an answer to emptiness and meaninglessness — and going to church, the right church, is a good start on addressing that — if they begin looking into it.